Welcome Mat

WRITER (Mostly)

I pretend to do more than write, but I mainly just write. I hope I can do even more writing. If you see me say anything else, it’s bullshit. I wanna write.

But I also wanna make movies, paint, draw, get on stage more. Love standup. The writing part. You can keep the performance. I like the bar after. Also have an apparel line ready to go. Developed several restaurant and club concepts. Pretty much just writing though.



I have a tattoo with a big microphone, a film strip, paint brush, and an ink pen. It looks just how you’re picturing it, but, you know, cool. These items represent standup comedy, filmmaking, painting, and writing.

The image in the film strip is a ’59 Convertible Caddy. It represents how much I like boats.



I’m six feet and four inches of blue-eyed white boy from Chilpancingo, Guerrero, Mexico.

My little Mexican “friends” called me Bolillo.

“Hola, Bolillo.”

“Como estas, Bolillo?”

“Mama la verga, Bolillo.”

A bolillo is a Mexican loaf of white bread.



I’m not always funny, but I’m usually trying. My brain thinks humor belongs in every waking moment, regardless of the situation. My apologies to the people at funerals I’ve attended.



When I’m not going for the laugh, I’m at least trying to impress. One might think that little boy was drawing because he enjoyed the process, but he only wanted to show his pecker to the girls. I drew Woody, people. Come on.

In high school, I drew hundreds of ink pen tattoos on pretty girls. They complained of irritation and swelling, but I assured them it was due to their boyfriends sharing each others’ jock straps. Sadly, none of these girls ever touched my Pepe.

Still drawing. And painting. Mostly oils, and now learning acrylics.



While I’ve worked non-stop to achieve my creative dreams, I’ve never really paid the bills with any of it. In fact, it’s pretty much cost everything I’ve ever earned. However, like most people still alive, I’ve been eating the whole time. That’s where restaurants come in; they have food.

My first professional experience with the culinary world was waiting tables at nineteen. Nineteen wasn’t the name of the place, it was my age. Never went to school for food, or for anything else. School’s dumb.

I certainly never considered that I’d work in the culinary industry long-term. The first 2-3 years, I had about 90 jobs. The next 20 years, I had about 10.

Hated that work with a passion. But, eventually, I realized I actually needed it. To hate it less, I got good at it. Like, too good.

I gained a reputation for leaving — places better than I found them. But people hiring just focused on the ‘leaving’ part. That’s when I realized I was basically a hands-on consultant. I fix broken bars and restaurants because I don’t want the boring day-to-day management job. When it’s fixed, I’m out.

But consulting is a shit business model. I’m supposed to find businesses that need my help, but if they need my help, they won’t have money to pay me. And let’s discuss what they think of profit sharing…

You know what? Let’s not.



Thought I’d say IN CLOSING, huh? But no. I’m in the apparel business now. And I’m doing English/Spanish translation and subtitles. I’m freelance consulting on any project that’ll have me, and hiring out my creative writing services. And writing about the hospitality industry, lining up podcast guests, setting up a weekly newsletter. Anything and everything — to write and sell shirts. 

Because it’s silly to think I’m ever going to work for someone else again. Have you met people hiring? They’re dumb. So I gotta stay independent, and this site is the key to that freedom. is the hub of what my professional life has become, and I gotta say, I’m really fuckin’ proud of it. It’s about the 98th website I’ve built, and it houses about 98 websites worth of shit. But that experience helped me get it kinda right. Hope you enjoy.



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