Shirts and jokes. Like shirts and skins but a lot more sweat.

When you buy my shirts, I get to write jokes. Jokes are good for the planet.

When you don’t buy my shirts, it destroys the earth and causes terrorism. I’m just sayin’.


Join the M|F Newsletter.

This is how you’ll know about new shirts, more jokes, and behind-the-scenes shit I don’t put on social media. 


I’m an author, artist, performer and producer (and a recovering restaurant consultant).
I’ve developed podcasts, a YouTube game show, and performed standup comedy for over 20 years.

“After a lifetime of painting, writing, performing and producing — I’m finally good at restaurants.” — Me (crying)

“Holy fuck! I love this shirt thing. No more restaurants, food deliveries, back alley blowj… I mean, uh…” — Me (not crying)

MF Logos LONG 1.1 scaled

I’ve been creatively swingin’ for the fences since I can remember, while always prioritizing professional independence.

Or maybe it’s the other way around. 

To make this long story short — is not possible. 
Therefore, over time, I’ll reveal all the juicy shit in the newsletter, blog posts, videos, and podcast episodes. 

To stay independent, I’m selling shirts.

Instead of in-stock inventory, I have to start with pre-ordered shirts. 

Thanks for supporting the, um — stuff I do.



Author picture


After a long search, the shirts begin with the BELLA+CANVAS Unisex Crew Neck Tee.

It’s made of 100% Airlume combed and ring-spun cotton from the US, and it’s assembled in Guatemala.
Eventually, I will have a sample of every available garment on the market, and I’ll always pick the best —
because these shirts are for me! 

I mean, uh…

Because you deserve the best! : )  

Happy Floats is the first design of many, and this one dates back to around 1997.
I’ll be elaborating on the artwork origins with blog posts linked to each shirt.  

There are currently about 12 more designs in the queue,
but the experience of printing the first run is already inspiring new ideas,
including one-off custom shirts — kinda like a painting on canvas.

I promise it’ll get nutty before it gets good. 


To thank you for pre-ordering, and patiently waiting for others to order as well,
I’m discounting the hell out of these shirts.
It’ll be a ton of work that will soon pay off with better supplies and equipment.
I’m currently working with gear I built by watching DIY YouTube videos. Fun but limiting. 

There will be a cap on the following offers to avoid burying myself in success. 

1-2 Shirts – 40% Off  //  Save $15.20 per shirt
3-4 Shirts – 50% Off  //  Save $19.00 per Shirt
5-8 Shirts – 60% Off  //  Save $22.80 per Shirt

Offer Applies to All Shirt Variations | $3 Shipping | FREE On $50+ Orders 


Please see the each product for estimated print and shipping dates.
You will be notified by email with any necessary updates about your order.



Everything I want is also made possible by selling art. 


Oil on Canvas Board are in Floating Frames 

Oil on Stretched Canvas are in Flush Frames



Join if you want, cool if you don’t.

Not trying to hook your digital dumper.
Just a way to keep in touch.

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