Midlife Vices

After years at the helm of a Grecian place
Where daily I fed the human race
I stepped out quick to quit the pace
At which we served that garlic paste

I left to write a book about ladies
And thought they’d like to have my babies
But the ones I think are hotter than Hades
Act like I’m riddled with rickets and rabies

So I must get rich and carry a tote
With stacks of money on a massive boat
Instead I’m back to sellin’ goat
Yet still not writing a suicide note

I’ve made my peace with slingin’ meat
If not like Eros would in a fleet
Slumped on a grill in punishing heat
No goddess for me on a beach in Crete

Forever thought a Ferrari I’d own
So girls would want to get naughty and bone
Now that I’m older and clearly alone
It’s obvious I need a Bugatti Veyron

—  Mat Freeman  (March 17, 2012)

As you can imagine, still alone. No Bugatti, either.
Spotted a Ferrari at a red light once.